Thursday, February 23, 2012

Growing up . . . and Learning to Be Okay With It

So as of the last few months, I have felt myself growing and turning into someone new. Not the same ol' Ashley that I used to be. I miss her sometimes - the girl who could sit around and do nothing and wished that she had something to do. Wished that she could have a good story plot. A girl who could listen to music all day --- oh wait, I can still do that. False alarm.

But the thing I've been noticing most of all is that THINGS are changing. My brain doesn't work like it used to. With my busy schedule and all that's going on, I don't have time for things that I used to have time for. I don't have time to be on the computer as much, nor do I have time to sit and read a book (unless it's in the evening before bed).

With a few random jobs here and there, and finishing up school, my life is in crazy mode right now. Some days I wish that it would slow down and let me catch up. The end of February is drawing near, and I'm pretty sure that my 18th birthday in November was just here.

Now, unlike before I don't have a lot of time to be on the computer - unless it's for work. I usually get some pleasure computer time sometime during the day but sometimes I just don't feel like being on the computer anymore.

And as for never having story plot ideas when I was younger? Man. Now they come at me like a freight train, one after another. I barely have time to write out the ideas for one before another one comes sauntering into my brain saying, 'hello, please write me down so that someday when you have time maybe you'll think of me and write me'. Too many plot ideas, too little time.

And I've been learning that growing up can also mean growing apart. As I'm learning who I am as a Christian and as a person in the world, I'm also starting to understand that as we grow older we start to lose things that we had when we were children. i.e., favorite people in our lives (people who looked awesome when we were kids, but as we get older we realize how different we truly are. I had this happen with a person that I am related to. She was my role model growing up. Now as I'm a Christian teenager and she's a bit older and not a Christian, I realize that we are completely different) We can also grow apart from friends.

I think growing apart from friends has got to be the hardest thing that can ever happen. Friends are people that we know that we can go to when we're having problems and they'll be on our side, no matter what. Sometimes there's one thing that happens that causes people not to be friends anymore. But sometimes it's gradual and there's no way to stop it. And that just has to be okay.

I'm trying to figure out where I'm going in my life and where God wants me to be. I've been writing a story called A World Without Sound about a girl whose deaf and is trying to find her place in the world. She's been living in the same town, in the same house for all her life - just like me. Truthfully, we are very similar. Of course, there are things about her that are different but I couldn't make my character just like me, could I?

So if you are my friend, please excuse me as I'm still growing. As that one saying goes - I'm still under construction, God isn't finished with me yet. Well, that might not be it word for word but that's the gist of it.

I'm going to try my hardest to let God work in my life the way he sees fit. Even when I don't feel like my life is going the way that I had planned. 'Cause he's got a plan greater than anything that I can even imagine. Wow, I just can't wait to see what it is.

In closing to this blog post, I'm going to post a Brandon Heath song that talks about growing up - and how God is always working in our lives.



Heidi said...

Wow, Ash - this is a very wise post.

The Ratcliffe Gang said...

Impressive. And I didn't know you were a month older than Ev... and both writers. It's gonna be a great trip to visit you this summer. We might not see you guys at all, just writer babbling all day long! :o)
Don't change too much, though, Ashley-girl... I really like who you are today. (((hug)))

Heidi... said...

Beautiful post... at almost 43, He's not finished with me yet... either. Thanks for the encouragement to let Him do His work!

...coming over from your mom's facebook... ; )

Michelle said...

What a thoughtful post! I've noticed this growing apart as friends come and go throughout my life. You are a wonderful writer :) See you in March!

My Own Sense and Sensibility said...

Ashley, you are amazing. This is awesome. Thank you for sharing.

Bethany Ellis said...

Growing up is tough. But good. :) I know how ya feel. My most obvious sign of how busy and "grown up" I am and how that's changed me is that I seemed to have lost a good deal of creativity -- especially for the kids programs at church! Ah, well. God's still good:)

Ashley said...

Ashley, you are so right! Growing up involves sooo many changes, and it does mean moving away from certain people and things that you thought you'd always have. It is definitely not an easy process, but one that you can hopefully feel God walking through with you, and see Him working at every turn.
And if you ever need a listening ear, you know where to find me.... from someone still growing up, just a few years ahead :-) Love ya!